Thursday, February 12, 2015

Proud Parents?

Oh, you know them.  They are the parents who act as the cheering section for their children.  They are at every game / event.  Their kid is the best on the team / squad / whatever.  They brag on their child ad nauseam.  They post on facebook, and other social media about how proud they are of their precious, beautiful, talented, smart, athletic, sweet, polite, well mannered, socially advanced, loving, awesome child.  It can get to be a little bit much, .... right?  (I see you nodding your head.)

You have been told or have seen firsthand that some of these children are rude to teachers, speak horrible to his/her parents, drink, lie, breaks curfew, are hateful to other kids and act obnoxious toward other adults.

You wonder if that parent just doesn't see it .... or what? Who is the perfect child of which the parent speaks?  Why is that child so different in your eyes?

Well, here it is.  They actually do see the child as being exactly how they describe.  Rose colored glasses?  No.  It's love. ( What? Give me a break. ) No, seriously.  It's a rose colored heart filled with unconditional love.   You see ... to them that child actually IS amazing.   They may wear some blinders to some behaviors or refuse to believe it when told something by another adult, but they truly do love their child.  They see the perfection and minimize the imperfections.

This is not to say that they overlook bad behavior.  Many parents are good at disciplining their children when it's needed.  ( Not all .... but some actually do discipline them )  Yet in public, you will never hear them mention it.  They will never embarrass that child in front of their child's friends or other people in general.  The child may embarrass the parent, but the parent will hide it and will not embarrass their child.  They will continue to uplift and encourage that child no matter what.  They will be there no matter what.

So what is it about this type of parent that inspires me to blog about it?  Regrets.  It's that my parents were not like that.  And sadly, I was not like that as a parent when my kids were growing up.  I wish that I had been more supportive and more demonstrative of my pride in my children.  So should you.  Why?  Because in the years to come those kids will look back and KNOW that their parents loved them.  You see ....... that child will be on that team, in that school, in that town, for a little while ..... but they will be your child for all of their lives.  If you want a well adjusted, confident, adult then build up a confident child.

I hear you ..... "but you'll spoil them" .... "and you'll create little monsters" .... "and they will not take responsibility for their actions" ,,,, and "they will grow up to be a criminal".  That could happen and I have seen it happen .... but that is done by overly permissive parents who allow their children to be rude and out of control with no consequences.  There must be consequences, but that does not mean that the parent should demoralize the child in front of others.

So build up those children.  Tell them what they did correctly .... and gently talk to them about what they did incorrectly.  Tell them how proud of them that you are of them and let them know that you love them whether they win or lose, succeed or fail.  Applaud them when they succeed.  Give them a hug when they fail and encourage them to do better.

If they have done something that needs a consequence then explain that in life there are always going to consequences and rewards.  Explain that you are not punishing them ..... they earned the consequence of their own accord.

Keep on building up that child and you will have a wonderful adult in your family some day.


Disclaimer:  I am not a person with any degree of formal education in parenting.  These thoughts are merely my own ... based on my experience and observations.  :)

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